Author Archives: ilikemargarine

About ilikemargarine

no sock monkeys were harmed in the making of this blog.

just another morning conversation, part 55

mo: OK, i’m going to go quit my job now. me: Me too. We can become cowboy pole dancers in Montana. mo: OK me: OK. mo: I’m going to make a lot more money than you, huh? me: no doubt.

Posted in margarine | Tagged , | 1 Comment

the day i gave up environmentalism forever. an essay

I buy a diet Coke and a Hershey bar. So far, so good. Debit or credit? the clerks asks. Debit, I reply. I’m thinking I’ve got it made. And then. The clerk, an attractive enough woman in that Boy George … Continue reading

Posted in margarine | Tagged , | 2 Comments

sand in the private parts

The run starts out innocently enough. I’m on the little 1/3 mile loop on the bayfront. The beach is deserted because of the wind. I don’t mind because it’s just short stretch of wind out, tailwind back. Repeat as necessary. I’m … Continue reading

Posted in running | Tagged , | Leave a comment

Mr. Pants’ Guide to Using an iPhone While Running

1. Pull off  to the side of the trail and come to a complete stop. (kids: Never text and run.) 2. Turn on phone. 3. Notice screen is unusually dark. Annoyingly dark. Unusably dark. 4. Turn off and on again, the Mr. … Continue reading

Posted in running | Tagged , | Leave a comment

crayons vs. environmentalism

Burnt orange was always next to pine green in the crayon box, which I was certain implied something about Crayola’s stance on forest thinning. Unfortunately, I never figured out what that was. – mild sauce

Posted in running | 1 Comment