“Without ice cream, there would be darkness and chaos.”
– Don Kardong, 1976 U.S. Olympic Marathoner
through some sinister twist of fate, i find myself unable to eat ice cream. i apparently have waited 50-something years to become lactose intolerant. a cruel joke for someone who has based his entire life around this simple pleasure.
i am working on an exhaustive science experiment to test my limits. wendy’s frosties are ok, as is dairy queen (confirming my theory that there is precious little dairy product in either.) sherbet works, as does frozen yogurt. haven’t tried soy ice cream yet.
but last night’s extensive rocky road testing was a disaster, confirming several experiments ranging from vanilla bean to moolenium crunch (worth the pain.)
it’s particularly cruel because as an uprooted texan, i’ve lived for years without Blue Bell, the best ice cream on the planet. only recently, when the discovered i had moved, did they begin shipping it to the store across the street. and now it’s too late. sad.
i know that in the long run it’s for the best. i’ll eat frozen bananas and blueberries and lose weight and my heart will thank me down the road. i have no desire to find a pill that will counteract the ill effects. fate is fate, after all.
but late at night as i stare at the freezer and think of what could have been, i wish i had become broccoli intolerant instead …