Mr. Pants has been running for 30 years, during that ENTIRE period, he has had hair (except for to times when he accidentally shaved his head), making him the perfect authority on hair-related running questions. let’s begin:
Q. My friend Greg wants to wear a mohawk during his upcoming race but fears that the styling gel will run down into his face as the race progresses. what to do?
A. You are in luck! Mr. Pants has the perfect solution. rather than using hair gel, use POWER GEL! your hair will be immaculate and the gel slowly running into your face will provide a steam stream of carbs. double latte flavor will give you a lovely sheen and an extra dose of caffeine. good luck!
Q. Mr. Pants, i have noticed that peewee running phenom Jordan Hasay has a ponytail down to her ankles and runs about seven times faster than me. could this be the key to improving my times?
A. Sadly, the answer would be yes, but by the time your hair gets that long you will be 75 and slow anyhow. One less time intensive solution would be the Brian Sell fu manchu mustache. this works equally well for both genders, social implications notwithstanding.
Q. My triathlete friends shave their bodies for alleged aerodynamic benefits. What benefits could i gain by shaving my body completely before the next marathon?
A. Any starting corral you want, baby. Any corral you want.
do you have a question about running or comb-over technique? mr. pants is here for you.