My new credo, the expanded version

Never kick a cop in the crotch.

This came to mind after watching the Today Show today. At least I think it was the Today Show. I don’t recall seeing Spongebob, so it was one of those shows with the fascinating news-fashion-food-weather-wacky banter formats that fascinate the Vegan Anti-Hero so.

I wasn’t watching closely, so I’m probably making a lot of this up. But the plot synopsis as I recall it:

10-year-old girl is going nuts. Mom calls cops. Cop shows up. Girl continues going nuts. Cop tries to restrain girl. Girl kicks cop in the crotch. Cop sets Taser to “Make girl stop kicking me in the crotch” mode. Girl stops.

Now the family is outraged at the cop. I’m thinking, if it was so easy to restrain this girl why didn’t YOU do it? Then YOU could get kicked in the crotch.

It must be a sign that I’m getting old. As an unabashed hippie punk in my younger years, I always took the anti-cop line. I’m sure if I had seen this story back then, I’d be yelling police brutality and staging a protest. Well, OK, I would never actually stage a protest because I am antisocial and protesting requires actual human interaction. But believe me, I’d do some serious fuming in my room.

But now that I’m in my golden years, I have much respect for the police. It’s a hard job. People shoot at you. If people shot at copy editors, I’d be looking for another line of work. Hey, wait. I AM looking for another line of work. But I digress.

I guess that’s why I keep this on my checklist of essentials:

1. Never run out of diet Coke.
2. Never start out on a long trail run saying, “oh, what are the odds I’m going to need toilet paper anyhow.”
3. Never kick a cop in a crotch.

If you fail to follow any of the above three items, nothing good will come from it.

On the bright side, enduring this story allowed me to discover that Mr. Al Roker is now a novelist too!!! And he dreamed up a book about a morning news anchor who commits a crime! What an imagination!!! Well, my Christmas shopping is done before it even began.

So to summarize: diet Coke good. Toilet paper good. Kicking cop in crotch bad.

Glad I could help.

About gary

no sock monkeys were harmed in the making of this blog.
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