Reasons I wouldn’t want to be Ryan Hall:

1. I ran for 2 hours and 15 minutes on a treadmill today. For me, this was a leisurely 10 mile lope. For Ryan Hall, 2:15 on a treadmill would have required an entire medium-effort marathon and a short cooldown. That seems a bit much for a snoozy Monday afternoon.

2. If I were Ryan Hall, I would be coming to Phoenix for the RnR Half-Marathon. What’s the fun of being an elite runner if your travel expenses consist of a 10-mile drive to the starting line? Plus there’s the whole Meb’s coming and I don’t want him to kick my ass again thing.

3. I would have to be married to Sara Bei. I bet she cannot even draw a proper Coffee Cat. Ick.

4. I’d have to find room for the never-ending stream of free Asics stuff. Hey, wait. This might not be so bad.

5. Free Asics stuff includes creepy arm warmers. Never mind No. 4.

Anyhow, today was Day 1 of the Great Whiskey Row Experiment. Crazy slow 13:42 pace (does that still qualify as running? More of a stroll?) because I’m training off heart rate levels. It was much fun and the gym was pretty empty (God bless the recession! Everyone’s abandoning the gym as they cut back finances. More room for me.)

Highlight of the day was when “Jerry was a race car driver” by Primus came on the treadmill radio. I instantly cranked the up button on the volume, since you cannot listen to Primus without attempting to cause permanent ear damage. Except in my state of delirium I was hitting the speed button rather than volume. It’s nice to know I can still maintain a 6-minute pace for a short burst when the only alternative is sailing off the back.

All in all, a fine Day 1. Hopefully speed will come around a bit as training progresses. Otherwise that 14-hour 20 mile run is going to be a drag.

On the other hand, I bet Ryan Hall has never done a 14-hour run as part of marathon training preparation. I bet he’s looking over his shoulder already …