Yes, kids, it’s time for another installment of Ask Mr. Pants. Today we tackle the pressing question: Just what the hell is going on here anyhow?
Q. What gives? This is supposed to be a running blog. I’m not seeing any running. Por que, por favor?
A. Sorry. Carlo and I were talking today about how hard it is to run when you’re kinda gloomy. And it’s been a gloomy week. It’s just that you don’t want to get your running mixed up in this mess. We did agree that it’s great to run when you’re angry. Maybe we can beat the hell out of each other at the end of our shift tomorrow and go for a long one afterward.
Q. Hello, Mr. Pants. Remember me? I’m your niece. I just got back from the wilderness only to find a smattering of other people posting here purporting to be nieces. What gives, daddy-o? (That’s how we talk in the wilderness.)
A. Excellent question. I had the pleasure of working with a couple of extremely talented journalists, one of whom shared the same last name as me. Because I was something like 130 years older, she called me Uncle Gary. (actually Grandpa Gary would’ve been more accurate and has lovely alliteration, but she’s too kind.) She sends me chocolate chip cookies for no reason. I suggest you do the same.
Q. So what’s the weirdest google search that’s led to your site today?
A. That would be “funny Dick Cheney zombie.” I am not making that up. I’m not sure what they were looking for, but I’m fairly certain they left here unfulfilled.
Q. But seriously. How’s things?
A. Better. Thanks for caring. Tomorrow, we go back to running.
Do you have a question about running, stealing office supplies or gravy-boat etiquette? Mrs. Pants is here for you.