Mo is drinking my beer.
Is this our only beer, I ask.
No, she says.
Then why are you drinking mine, I ask.
I don’t want a whole beer, she replies.
Oh, I say.
If I win $450 jillion today, I will hire a trained monkey* to drink half a beer and give Mo the rest. I will be happy. Mo will be happy.
The monkey will be really happy.
I wish I had half a beer. But I’m glad I don’t have a drunk monkey …
* kids: please note this is a trained monkey on a closed course. do not try this at home.