Mo is drinking my beer.
Is this our only beer, I ask.
No, she says.
Then why are you drinking mine, I ask.
I don’t want a whole beer, she replies.
Oh, I say.
If I win $450 jillion today, I will hire a trained monkey* to drink half a beer and give Mo the rest. I will be happy. Mo will be happy.
The monkey will be really happy.
I wish I had half a beer. But I’m glad I don’t have a drunk monkey …
* kids: please note this is a trained monkey on a closed course. do not try this at home.
i like margarine 
Mo only drinks half a beer? Does she also only eat half a frosty or half a breakfast taco? This is grounds to revoke her honorary Texas citizenship. But i won’t tell anyone… I promise.
When we were talking about getting a new car, she just wanted to know if she could put a “god bless johnny cash” bumper sticker on it. i pointed out he’s not from texas. Neither am I, she said. there’s still some brainwashing left to be done here. I’m guessing a Hill Country drive through the bluebonnets will do it …
Hey wait a second…. I just remembered something. I’m not from Texas either!! Why do I keep forgetting that?
So after she was done drinking, was your glass half full or half empty?
Glass? True Texans don’t drink beer out of a glass. We drink it straight off the floor. (yes, there was an unfortunate incident involving half a beer. Funny how life works out.)
Watch out for Mo and the Monkey, first it is half a beer, next it’s half your fries. Beer is a keystone drug.
I’d given up on the fries years ago. Beer was my last refuge. oh, well.
Mr Penguin doesnt touch my beer. We are both happy.
Please don’t tell Mo. She would leave me for Mr. Penguin in a heartbeat.