All you need to know about the Hoka One One Mafate 2 Bernadette Peters Trumpet:
1. They come in a recycled box using water-based ink. This makes me feel good as I wear them to work, where I put out a newspaper that kills 300,000 trees.
2. They really DO make you look like a rodeo clown. This is a big plus as I make my job transition.
3. The 6-inch raised sole, combined with the day-glo yellow color and rounded rocker motion, creates the aura of a special needs user. None of the Crazy Homeless Guys tried to hit me up for change at the convenience store. I likely could have bummed money from them instead. This is important when taking the $150 price of the shoe into consideration.
4. Hoke One One is made in France, thus answering the question “What the hell DO they make in France?” It translates to “time to fly” in Māori AND “I can’t believe we suckered you into spending this much money on a pair of shoes” in French. But when they say it, it sounds like the language of love. (bonus tip: It’s pronounced Oh-nay Oh-nay, not won won. Don’t be that person.)
5. I’ve run in them once and liked them a lot. Couldn’t feel the sidewalk at all.
6. I’ve driven in them once and disliked them a lot. Couldn’t feel the pedals at all.
7. Huge disadvantage: You apparently have to buy different sizes for various family members. Unlike the iPod, you cannot trade it back and forth. On the other hand, unlike the iPod, Mo does not complain about having songs by that oldies band “The Beatles” on her playlist while wearing the Hokas.
8. Laces: Yup, they’re included. No extra cost.
9. Wide toebox. I was concerned when reading about Hokas in that they appear to have a narrow toebox, while I have Flinstone Feet. Reviews for the Mafate 2 indicated a wider toebox. Oddly, I could not find a toebox anywhere when I got the shoes. They come in a box (did I mention that come in a recycled box with water-based ink?) so maybe that’s the toebox. If that’s the case, there is indeed much room when I place my feet inside.
10. They’re just weird to run in. Weird. That’s the word I kept saying over and over during my run. I don’t know if that’s good or bad. Mostly weird. But that’s the description people generally use to describe me as well, so maybe this is a good match.
Conclusion: After one day with the Hoka One One Mafate 2 Bernadette Peters Trumpets, I think it’s safe to conclude that they probably should have pulled the plug on I Love Lucy before they moved to the suburbs. But like all running shoes, and old TV shows, nothing is black and white. Oh, wait. Those shows WERE black and white. Whatever. I’d say hit up some Crazy Homeless Guys for spare change and try a pair.