Kiss me. I’m Amish

Longtime readers will recall that I’ve been using My Fitness Nazi to keep track of calories while trying to magically lose 20 pounds before race day. Although I like it so far, it has glitches. For instance.

Although it lists 3,250,000,000,000 foods, not among those is the Mrs. Baird’s Apple Fried Pie. I became a born-again Baptist many years ago just to ensure that in the unlikely event I die someday, I will get into heaven where undoubtedly they have vendos with Mrs. Baird pies. And the vendos accept dollar bills. Don’t make me spend eternity in a place that requires exact change.

I love the Mrs. Baird’s fried pie. It was a staple of my youth. Even though I can’t recall owning a stapler. When I was sidetracked to Arizona for 25 years or so, I was cut off. But like Lindsay Lohan on a party bus, the first thing I bought upon my triumphant return to Texas was, indeed, a fried pie. I’ve eaten at least a couple a week since. Don’t tell my cardiologist. Thank you.

So you will forgive me if I had one on the way to work today. It was, after all, Tuesday, which requires comfort food. When I went to dutifully enter it in my food log, I found nothing. I could use a substitute, I suppose, but that would demean the Mrs. Baird brand. What could I do?

In the end, I chose “Amish Strawberry Fry Pie.” Its caloric total is disturbingly high enough to go head to head with Mrs. Baird. And it’s a ridiculous amount of fun to say “Amish Strawberry Fry Pie.” Yes, I’m easily amused.

Bonus: There’s a chance this makes me an honorary member of the Amish community. I figure that if the whole Southern Baptist thing turns out to be a hoax and I find myself standing at the Pearly Gates staring at a guy who looks like the old guy in the Harrison Ford “Witness” movie, I’ll be covered.

You will be relieved to know that my late snack was a banana. Not an Amish one.

Healthy eating is not easy. Just 18 pounds to go …

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About gary

no sock monkeys were harmed in the making of this blog.
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