what kind of paradise am i looking for?
i’ve got everything i want
and still i want more.
maybe some tiny shiny key will wash up on the shore.
– ani
___
Q. Hey, Daddy-O. I have this dilemma.
A. Other than calling me Daddy-O?
Q. Yes, and it is this. I’m entered to run a race next week. It’s 50 miles.
A. That doesn’t seem so bad. You’re in. Easy.
Q. Yeah, but the problem is I never actually got around to training for it. I just realized the longest I’ve run in around five years is 13 miles. And I recall a wooden penguin giving me last rites at the 12-mile mark, generally seen as a Bad Sign.
A. So you’re out. Easy.
Q. Yeah, but I’ve signed up. And the weather will be perfect. And this could be my last chance ever.
A. So you’re in. Easy.
Q. But I’m pretty sure my body just can’t do it anymore. This will mean ending my quasi-running career in crushing defeat.
A. So you’re out. Easy.
Q. But maybe I can. I’ve got this run-walk thing that seems pretty easy. And a quirk in the event gives me 29 hours to cover 50 miles, which means I just have to stay conscious for an extended period of time.
A. So you’re in. Easy.
Q. But the kicker: I got violently ill Thursday afternoon, leading to the 24-hour Barforama Festival. Nothing like projectile-vomiting oatmeal to remind you why you gave up ultras. And now it’s Saturday and I still can’t get out of my chair. I just took a half hour to check a headlamp and I’m exhausted.
A. So you’re out. Easy.
Q. But then I think, “What if my car broke down 50 miles from civilization. Could I transport myself 50 miles in 29 hours? Seems like maybe. Especially if civilization promised a Medium Chocolate Frosty.
A. So you’re in. Easy.
Q. But then I remember we have AAA, or we did until Mo get Arizona and Texas confused. So I’d probably just call and get a tow.
A. So you’re out. Easy.
Q. But I think I need to do it. It’s stupid, but that Eleanor quote always comes back to haunt me. I’ve done stupid things a lot of times before and it hasn’t killed me yet.
A. So you’re in. Easy.
Q. I wish things were a bit more black and white here, Mr. Pants. I’m no good working in the grey zone.
A. I’m sure you’ll make the right choice whatever you decide.
Q. Thanks, Daddy-O.
A. Have a good race.
—
i like margarine 
I am SO excited for you and this race. I wish I were running it too. I’ll be thinking of you all day. Run a mile for me….if you think of it. =)
I’m sorry to hear about the plague. I hope you’re feeling more the thing now.
A 24 hour barforama sounds tougher than anything a raccoon pony up. I will somersault across the finish with you.
Sas is promising a surprise in a red solo cup to all finishers. There might be a frosty in yours.
How are runners from another coast to know the difference between bean chili and meat solo chili when vomited at a high rate of speed if there is no one to demonstrate the official Texas technique?
These are the questions…
Although honestly, I suppose you could demonstrate whether you are running or not.
Have a nice day, Carlo.