old gary: Hi, 12-year-old Gary. Guess what we’re going to do someday?

12-year-old gary: You smell funny.

old gary: That’s right! We’re going to be a runner.

12-year-old gary: What does that mean?

old gary: We’re going to spend ridiculous amounts of money to run in circles for no good reason except that it’s fun.

12-year-old gary: I hate you, old gary.

old gary: But we get to stay up all night, play in the forest, sleep in the dirt, go without showering and eat all of the junk food we want.

12-year-old gary: Girls?

old gary: Scantily clad and sweaty.

12-year-old gary: Blood?

old gary: You can fall as many times as you want. No extra charge.

12-year-old gary: Beer?

old gary: Well, not legally. If you know what I mean.

12-year-old gary: Wow. I love you, old gary.

Hey, while you’re here, could you buy me a six-pack? I’m in training.

old gary: Sure. See you in a few decades …