hell. oh kitty.

It started out innocently enough, as tragedies are wont to do.

We wanted to go for a run on the beach while re-creating the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade as our contribution to the Penguin Puree and Pot Pie Potpurri. Which of course meant we would need a balloon. Mo’s store had a huge Hello Kitty. I am a lover of the Hello Kitty. Done and done.

We went to the beach, we ran, we paraded, we sat down. I had mapped the event out in my head earlier. We would find a kid on the beach, hand over the balloon, and shoot a photo as the small child walked away happily with big balloon. Perfect.

And then it got even better. A couple of parents came up to us and asked if their kids could pose with Rudolph. We had our kids!


But their middle daughter, a tiny girl, was scared of Rudolph. She refused to come down and pose. If you look closely, you can see her in the upper right of the photo. Below is a close-up.

kid close

She stood through the entire episode with her arms crossed tightly. This was it!!! Rudolph gives the Hello Kitty balloon to her; she walks off as the happiest kid in the world and as a consequence goes on to cure cancer. I am a Good Person.

The problem? Mo didn’t want to give up the balloon.

As it turns out, she had bonded with Hello Kitty and couldn’t let her go. So Hello Kitty came home with us. This was not in the script.

The problem? BK hates balloons.

She is terrified of even a small balloon. When it comes to a massive Hello Kitty, forget it. She cannot peacefully co-exist.

The problem? We live in a small apartment. We can’t keep Hello Kitty in the living room, because BK hangs out there. Or our bedroom, because BK occasionally comes in to sit on us when we sleep. Or her office, because, well, it’s her office. Which leaves:

The bathroom.


So for the last week, Hello Kitty has occupied our tiny bathroom.

The problem? Taking a shower means fighting my way past her, trying to stay covered up so she doesn’t peek over the curtain, then  enduring her sticking to my wet back as I exit. And don’t get me started on the nocturnal visit which always leads to an OHMYGODTHERE’SSOMEONEINTHEBATHROOMMAFETCHTHESHOTGUNWHATDOYOUMEANWEDON’TOWNAGUNWHERE’SYOURTOXICHAIRSPRAYANDHOWDOITURNOFFTHEALLCAPKEY?

Because of space-age technology (space-age technology being sort of retro now, I suppose) Hello Kitty likely will outlive me. And bless her heart, she DOES feel like a part of the family. And her photo ran in the paper today, which makes her a lot cooler than me.


I guess you never know when the stork is going to bring a new bundle of joy to your family. Ours just came filled with helium.

So I suppose we’ll live happily ever after. Except maybe BK, who scowls as she walks past bathroom and laments being clawless. Luckily cat’s are lousy with ice picks.

Maybe it’s time to move to a two-bathroom apartment …

About gary

no sock monkeys were harmed in the making of this blog.
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