■ $70 — Race entry fee.
■ $5 — Processing fee (oh, you’d like us to PROCESS your entry fee. That will cost extra, you know.)
■ $100 — Shoes bought in a futile effort to ward off the rocks on the course.
■ $50 — Three days of vacation for the race (I factored this in at $6 an hour, although I may actually make more than that. or less.)
■ $6 –Tylenol to fight headaches caused from worrying about race for three months.
■ $8 — Six-pack of 1554 consumed in bitter disappointment upon realizing I inherited Mo’s Flu From Hell exactly one week before the race.
■ $0 — Total spent in the week leading up to the race. Being comatose is quite economical.
■ $1 — Three peanut butter sandwiches assembled as fever breaks on the day before the race and I entertain the delirious dream of still participating,
■ $1 — Conciliatory Hershey bar on the way to race as reality sets in that the walk to the car has created total exhaustion. 15 miles? Yeah, right.
■ $60 — Gas to drive three hours to and from race I can’t run.
■ $80 –Hotel room in which heating apparently would have been an extra fee. In fairness, Tom said he’d leave the light on for us. He said nothing about the heater.
■ 0 — Hours of sleep obtained in hotel as hilarious hack-a-thon cough party ensues. Look from runner in next room seems to indicate he didn’t get the joke.
■ $8 — Six cheeseburgers purchased on the way to the race as later meals for spectating. Nobody said racing is healthy. Well, they probably did, but they were lying. Never trust runners.
■ $4 — Two cups of cocoa while waiting for peeps to arrive at start line.
■ $0 — Race packet with T-shirt I can never wear because I didn’t run the race (runner’s code, you know). Wish peeps well as they set off for adventure even as I realize pneumonia is setting in. Spending a sleepless night and morning in the icy cold apparently not the prescription for a speedy recovery.
■ $5 — Slice of pizza and two corn dogs on drive home. Wallowing in self-pity is greatly eased by corn dogs. (seriously. look it up on webMD.)
■ $140 — Mo, taking advantage of my total incapacitation, stops at a flea market in a little town on the way home. Buys a pet goat and a jar of honey. Don’t ask.
■ $14 — Robitussin/NyQuil nightcap.
■ $0 –Another three days lying comatose.
■ $70 — Sign up for next race in a futile effort to stave off depression.
■ $5 — Processing fee (oh, you want us to PROCESS your entry fee. That will cost extra, you know. Yes, I know.)
■ Await inevitable tickle in throat a week before next race.
- life is funny, part 381
- life with an artist, part 17
- me and loretta
- or not
- life is funny, part 380
- papa we’ll go sailing
- the quotable mo sheppo, part 23
- the keys to a good marriage, part 8
- once upon a beach
- dear nicole
- the keys to a good marriage, part 7
- once upon a celebration
- dear sarah
- sisters, part 2
- sisters, part 1
- she hasn’t changed a bit
- my dream. a photo essay.
- Mr. Pants’ Guide to Fancy Cooking ©, part 2
- Mr. Pants’ Guide to Fancy Cooking ©
- owl be home for christmas
- brothers, part 7
- it’s likely just a misdemeanor
- farm trucks
- i’m letting the time go by
- the quotable mo sheppo, part 22
- it’s a snap
- the secret to life
- American dream
- football season
- i don’t need a skywriter to make grafitti in your sky
- ok, mostly it’s the railroad red IPA
- it’s pronounced Kiye-bab, dammit
- sing it, oscar
- conversations with char, part 2
- things i wish i had said, part 78
- i don’t even know where Algiers is
- just don’t make my car wear a foo-foo vest
- brothers, part 6
- chalk mark in a rain storm
- come on home
- making pies
- hey! wait! i’ve got a new complaint.
- oj and blue dozer
- things i wish i had said, part 77
- nature calls
- let it, bees
- The Great Flower Ankle Sweatband Experiment of 2018 ©
- mo sheppo’s guide to painting
- or maybe it was just Pochero
- i bet rupp will be wearing these at prague
- Lilypads are overrated
- p.s. the train had 91 cars
- way back when
- a drink a day keeps the shrink away
- my running club
- well, you had to know this was coming
- the quotable mo sheppo, part 21
- boston 2018
- how i would write if i were clever
- mo sheppo’s guide to the locked track
- i still like margarine
- the quotable mo sheppo, part 20
- things i wish i had said, part 76
- never turn your back on a champagne cork
- just another morning conversation, part 73
- mr. pants’ spring running quiz ©
- life is funny, part 379
- happy trails
- heart surgeons have no sense of humor
- the day i became an old man
- oh, well
- theological loophole
- go, went, gone
- the meaning of life
- the truth
- Tehachapi to Tonapah
- things i wish i had said, part 75
- sweet emotion
- skinny legs
- Roger and me
- one tough goalie
- i don’t rumpus enough
- may he turn 21 on the base at Fort Bliss
- life is funny, part 378
- i see lights in a fat city
- the troubles
- the day i realized i will not live to be 100
- But the track doesn’t have a hole in the rock
- the sky is gray, the sand is gray, and the ocean is gray
- swan dive
- running with dogs
- things i wish i had said, part 74
- amy o’cardial would be a good name for a middle-distance runner
- conversations with my doctor, part 2
- my solemn vow
- a day at the track, part 452
- i don’t think she’s coming round again
- Lane 9
- the day my garmin saved my life
- Oui will oui will rock you
- a gift from my mother the day i was born
- corridos migrantes
- divine intervention
- i am going to hell in really cheap shoes
- the Great Red Bull Experiment of 2018
- alice. dallas alice.
- me talk pretty one day
- i was really more of a letterman guy
- the best runner
- goodbyes are hard, part 2
- the sherwood leafblower massacre. based on a true story.
- duck duck duckity duck
- goodbyes are hard
- Life is funny, part 377
- christmas carol
- old friends
- why i will never live in flagstaff. a photo essay.
- I know I would die if I could come back new
- running with elves
- life in six easy steps
- things i wish i had said, part 73
- I am just a cowboy, lonesome on the trail
- now if i could jog my memory
- if you finish, you urn a medal
- everything that helps you sleep
- but no bill murray sightings
- just another morning conversation, part 72
- the day fiona apple got busted at the texas border checkpoint. a photo essay.
- thank you, new balance
- running with turkeys
- the weirdest thing in the history of the world
- ode to cassidy
- actually, i prefer pie. thanks.
- things i didn’t know
- things i wish i had said, part 72
- my conversation with the cardiologist
- finish lines
- conversations with char, part 1
- the day i stopped caring
- 3 a.m.
- all i know about running I learned through ani songs
- chihuahuas aren't really dogs at all
- Corpus Christi
- dick cheney smells funny
- gluten free
- grand canyon
- Great State of Texas
- happily ever after
- i dream of sleep
- if life were fair
- lawn gnomes
- mad dog
- melancholic female singer
- morning conversations
- mother teresa chacha
- native texas birds
- never ever trust a monkey with wine
- oompa loompas
- political science
- roscoe the talking magpie
- things i wish i had said
- west texas waltz
- yellow brick road