He’s 5 feet away from me. We’re face-to-face. He’s screaming, “CAPTAIN!!!!”

Mo and I are out for a quick dinner during my work shift. I suggested this Subway as an alternative to the usual. We were alone there a couple of days ago when a Crazy Homeless Guy went into the bathroom and never came out. Try eating with THAT going on.

So here we are. And so is he.

I’ve just gotten out of the car. Mo is still inside. This guy just came out of the Subway and is standing right in front of me. “CAPTAIN!!!!!” he screams again. What to say?

I pretend to ignore him, but that doesn’t seem to work. After a couple more screams, I finally say something like “xnffff3.” Just to break the ice.

Mo, who is reluctant to get out of the car, finally does. Now it’s two on one. Unless I make a run for it. I have no idea how this will end. He continues to stare at me. “CAPTAIN!”

Does he mistake me for someone? Is he seeing things that aren’t there? Is this the start of a bad scary movie? We’re next to the bay and the fog is heavy. What would Hitchcock do?

And then. A dog runs by. His name is Captain.

“There he is,” the guy says happily. They walk off together.

I have a roast beef sub. I go back to work smelling vaguely of urine.

Muskrat love …