So you’re out on a brutal cactus-laden trail run and you get ambushed by a cactus.

OK, so you’re sitting on a bench watching your dad walk down the street with his physical therapist. It’s still plenty dangerous.

And then disaster strikes. You are attacked by the cactus, leaving a gruesome scratch. Are your peeps, a motley pack of trail bums, impressed?

Um, not so much.

What to do? Mr. Pants advises a quick visit from your pal Mr. Heinz. The result: A gaping gash worthy of trail respect. Or at least a few french dries to dip.

Upside: You’re instantly a Cool Kid.

Downside: On the run later in the afternoon, your leg smells like catsup.  You spend the entire run wonder whether dogs like turkey legs with catsup.

Upside: Dog bite will look like wolf attack. More trail cred.

Running is easier than you would think.