I blame Laura.

The story begins with Mild Sauce’s socks. They are legendary for their ability to give superhuman speed to anyone who possesses it. I was skeptical till the Jenster stole one and gave it to Mr. Penguin, who then uncorked a world record time for wooden penguins in the 10K.

Still skeptical? Laura ran next to Sauce’s socks at the AR50, posting a new PR even though the socks were several feet (two feet?) away from her.

This, of course, signaled trouble for the 72 Hours of Muskrat. Since Sauce is a competitor, her socks clearly give her an advantage over the field, even with a Hideously Disfigured Poison Oak Face.

Laura was scheming to steal a sock.

What to do?

At about the same time this dilemma was brewing, Jenster was deep in the throes of an infatuation with alpacas, apparently having given up Smokey the Bear to Mo Sheppo. It occurred to me: The only way to level the playing field would be to require all runners to get Alpaca Speed Socks. This would effectively neutralize the Mild Sauce Advantage.

The only problem: What kind of weirdo runs with socks? That would be silly.

The solution: Alpaca wool caps. I had been getting a lot of grief from people who thought running for 72 hours in early July was just too easy. I figure wearing a wool cap during the run is just what we need.

But then, genius came from a lawyer in Florida (wasn’t cassidy a lawyer in Florida? Coincidence?)

Make it orange, Nole said. And thus, the Day-Glo Orange Lightweight Alpaca Racing Beanie (anything else is just a wool cap) was born.

Longtime ultrarunner Olga King, who knits on the side, agreed to make the prototype for the racing beanie, which is basically a wool cap made with super-lightweight alpaca wool and knitted with many, many ventilation holes. “It still may be kind of warm (mildly put) for Texas,” she offered. But she agreed to make it nonetheless. I suspect I’ll have to sign a liability waiver upon acceptance.

So the 72HOM will feature runners in alpaca hats. I’m not aware of any race that has had this stipulation before, so we’re in uncharted territory. Coming July 4 to a track near you.

Don’t blame me. Blame Sauce’s socks.