It seemed like an easy enough solution.

We’re having a 72-hour run over the Fourth of July weekend. The problem: One of the participants has socks with Magic Powers, making the race inherently unfair. Worse yet, other participants have taken to stealing the socks to gain an unfair advantage as well.

What to do to level the playing field?

The obvious solution was to require all participants to wear alpaca socks. Alpaca socks, as all Serious Runners know, contain magical powers. Problem solved.

Except.

What sort of weirdo wears socks? Especially in July? It would be cruel to ask participants to endure such a thing.

The solution? An alpaca wool cap, of course.

And that’s how the Day-Glo Orange Lightweight Alpaca Racing Beanie was born.

Yesterday was the first test run. 84 degrees and sunny.

How was it? It felt vaguely like running on a hot day wearing a wool cap. And if the lure of running ultras is the conjuring of hallucinations, I may have come across the solution without having to deal with all those pesky miles. Unless there really WERE dancing pygmy goats along the last mile of the course.

I could definitely feel it doing its job, that being not to allow heat to radiate out from my head. How is this going to feel when it’s 15 degrees hotter? Maybe I’ll acclimate. Maybe pygmy goats will fly out of my butt. Thank God for Anti-Monkey Butt Cream.

The running world has been looking for a new training tool, and this could be it. Train hot, race cool. Or something.

Remember in a year or two when Nike is offering its Alpaca Wool Cap, you saw it here first.

The Day-Glo Orange Lightweight Alpaca Racing Beanie (anything else is just a wool cap.) Pygmy goats sold separately.

Should be a Fourth of July to remember. Or not …