Monthly Archives: November 2014

never order The Kate

I spent the last eight hours trying to get a temporary passport out of Malaysia. Mine had expired. I’m not sure how I got INTO Malaysia with an expired passport. But it was 6:15 p.m. and my flight was at … Continue reading

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rudolph visits the pecan store

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dia de los madres

Hey, Ma. Happy day after thanksgiving! The last two Thanksgivings just haven’t been the same. Remember how when we were about to eat and you wouldn’t let us start till we went around the table and each said what we were … Continue reading

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One morning before the parade.

I wake up to a weird noise. I look at the clock. 4:30 a.m. Mo is asleep. I get up to investigate. Because i am a brave male. This is what we do. As I round the corner and start … Continue reading

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an open letter from asics

Longtime readers will recall that I wrote asics to complain about a pair of shoes that had gone prematurely lame. I didn’t actually expect a response. But then. This arrived in the mail yesterday. Dear Jerry: I was greatly distressed … Continue reading

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an open letter to asics

dear asics: I have been a loyal customer since 1979, when I first saw my uncle bob in his tigers. i started running just so i could have shoes like that. i have run in about 200 incarnations of your … Continue reading

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world’s saddest haiku

(works best if sung to the tune of in-a-gadda-da-vida. for time purposes — because I know you’re busy at work — feel free to leave out the 17-minute drum solo.) (note: author is not being compensated by nor has any … Continue reading

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