There’s so much less
To this than you think
— the prophet tweedy

—

Longtime readers will recall that I’m almost through Week 7 of The World’s Longest Training Plan, pointing toward a race in early May. So far, so good. Except.

The plan features a series of races at shorter distances spaced out along the way. I ran a 5k last week and there’s a 10k at the end of the month. The problem? On Dec. 6, it wants me to run an 8k.

When I started out back in the 1800s, the Run in the Sun was San Angelo’s biggest race. And it was an 8k. I loved that distance. It’s halfway between the Just Shoot Me Now pain of 5,000 meters and the Won’t This Thing Ever End sixth mile of a 10k. I was looking forward to revisiting the distance after a million years.

Except.

They don’t seem to make them anymore.

5k, 5k, 5k, 5k, 5k, 10k,10k, 1 mile kid run, half marathon, mud run, color run, obstacle run. No 8ks within 200 miles. Weirdly enough, my VRB Jenny, who is on the same schedule and shaming me into running on days I don’t want to (most of them), easily found a nearby race in North Carolina. I’m a big believer in sticking to the plan, but traveling 72,000 miles for an 8k is a bit much.

I can’t find an 8k anywhere. What to do?

I considered the Gumbo 8k, just going out and running. But there’s something about a race that allows you to push in a way you wouldn’t do alone. Plus, I’m worried about possibly copyright infringement. Maybe a 5k? I guess that would work, but I’d push too hard through 3.1 and just drag the rest.

So I’m going with a 10k. I figure I’ll run 5 miles at all-out race pace, hit the button on the Garmin, and just run 1.2 as a cooldown. Not perfect, but neither is “A Ghost Is Born.” A fine album, but I could do without 10 minutes of Tweedy trying to sonically produce a migraine. Mission accomplished. It seems silly to drive 2 1/2 hours to run a race that isn’t even the right distance, but isn’t running pretty silly in general?

On the bright side, the Run in the Sun is still going strong and is held in early June. Time for a reunion after the May marathon. I hope I still love the distance. Time will tell.

Do they have 8ks where you are? If so, would you consider adopting me? I’m potty trained, although a bad aim, and I ask for nothing more than the occasional medium chocolate frosty and cable access to I Love Lucy on the hallmark channel if they ever stop showing christmas movies oh hallmark how i loathe thee.

If not, lobby your running club! Write your congressman! Bring back the 8k!!! Preferably somewhere in central Tejas on Dec. 6.

And if you run into Jenny at the North Carolina race, give her an Oreo. She’s earning it …

p.s. early signup deadline is nearing for the Luchador 50. Don’t get left behind! No, we won’t be adding an 8k. Who the hell runs 8ks?