an open letter to asics

dear asics:

I have been a loyal customer since 1979, when I first saw my uncle bob in his tigers. i started running just so i could have shoes like that.

i have run in about 200 incarnations of your shoes over the years, from ds racers to speedstars to lytes to cumulus to flash to pretty much anything bearing the beloved stripes. and i’ve had great luck with all of them. the quality and comfort has always been unsurpassed. until.

i recently bought a pair of piranhas. i liked them a lot at first — that ballet slipper feel, but without the little bows and pink color. they quickly became my favorite shoe of all time.


after only 1,000 miles or so, i noticed excessive wear on the outsole. at 1,200, my little toe started sticking out the side of the shoe. what the? i realize that a 4.4 ounce shoe isn’t built for durability, but after only 1,200 miles? they were just getting broken in. is this the way your company is doing business now?

maybe i just got a defective pair. but my pal slow ernie got piranhas at about the same time and ended up crippled. coincidence?

i hope you will rectify this situation, as gumbo gets suspicious anytime i switch to the new balance 110s, accusing me of putting the moves on anton.

i realize you’ve discontinued the piranhas, so please fire up the plant for a day or so and make me a replacement pair at your earliest convenience. maybe by the weekend for long run.

thanks. you’re a very nice acronym.

your pal

p.s. photo enclosed for verification.

p.s.s. these shoes smell really, really bad. isn’t there something you can do about that? thanks.

p.s.s.s. ernie would like a my little pony tea set instead. thanks.

About gary

no sock monkeys were harmed in the making of this blog.
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