I spent the last eight hours trying to get a temporary passport out of Malaysia.

Mine had expired. I’m not sure how I got INTO Malaysia with an expired passport. But it was 6:15 p.m. and my flight was at 6:30. Not good.

Adding to the stress: I was behind Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson in line. He was in the same dilemma. He had filled out his form with smart-ass answers but was scrambling to clean it up. I wanted to ask him what the hell he was thinking of when he took on that angel movie, but I feared it would slow him down.

There clearly wasn’t going to be time for me to get through the red tape, so the official made a proposal. Play best of 100 tic-tac-toe to decide whether I could go.

I had no choice.

We were about halfway through the contest when I woke up. I was at a disadvantage because I didn’t know how to write X and O in Malaysian, but I think I was holding my own.  I’ll never know. Although I suppose Malaysia is as good a place to live as any. I wonder if you can buy expired GU there.

The moral: Never, ever order The Kate.