i finally got a cordless mouse at work

 having given up running forever, i was in desperate need of a new form of exercise. and i think i’ve stumbled upon it: STEP AEROBICS! It targets a different set of muscles than running, it is an effective way of going aerobic, and it’s something i can do at work without having to leave my desk.

ok, what actually happened: THERE WAS A HUGE FREAKING MOUSE IN THE LITTLE SPACE BETWEEN MY DESK AND THE WALL. I found this out when a co-worker said “hey do you know there’s a huge freaking mouse in the little space between your desk and the wall?” like i was harboring a fugitive or something.

obviously, my response was to jump on top of my desk and shriek like a little girl (as usual, i would like to apologize for unfair references to little girls, who obviously are much braver than me and will go on to become the world’s greatest soccer player only to kill her twitter and facebook immediately upon retirement).

i stayed up there for roughly an hour while a co-worker searched for him, trash can in hand to trap him. in my best Roy Scheider voice, i offered, “we’re going to need a bigger can.” this thing may have been a chihuaua.

i immediately alerted san angelo, the edition i was working on, that the deadline was in danger because one can’t really put out a paper while standing 5 feet above one’s screen. the night editor there did her intimidating cat impression over the speakerphone in an effort to scare him off (yes, it was a him. no polka dot skirt), but to no avail. whatever an avail is.

thus began a long night of glancing down occasionally, seeing the fearsome rodent, and jumping up on the desk again. i must say it’s a nice view from up there. and closer to the asbestos! by the end of the night, my quads were burning, which sounds like the start of a  ted cruz erotica novel but  …  (oh never mind i’m back to imagining ted cruz naked).

the best part: a co-worker had suggested that we get a copy desk cat to comfort us as our jobs ride off into the sunset. now we have a work-related reason! although gannett surely will lay it off in a year.

but as in any hallmark movie, the evening had a happy ending. eventually, in the journalistic version of Ratatouille, the mouse took over the page, handling the skybox cutouts (i guess it should be obvious that a mouse knows how to use a computer duh) and working a subtle ted cruz erotica reference into the congressional budget story.  and they lived happily ever after.

except for screaming like a little abby wambach. the end.




About gary

no sock monkeys were harmed in the making of this blog.
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