in my defense, i examined it closely, and NOWHERE does it say “caution: do not leave this candle exposed to direct sunlight in 95 degree weather for three days you moron.” or else this story would have turned out differently. or not.
i had to pick mo up at the car shop today (because it would have been soooooooo hard for her just to walk home 2 miles harumph) which meant my semiannual clean out the passenger seat ordeal. one of the benefits of being a bitter recluse is that you can pile up stuff in the passenger seat. plus you don’t have to share oreos.
and so, there i was going through the rubble when i came upon the Willie Nelson Prayer Candle. i had taken it home from its trip to see jim last week and left it in the car. it was dark at the time and i was tired. i never thought about it again. until now.
Willie was sideways in the car. melted wax was everywhere. if the definition of everywhere is an unfortunate asu baseball cap and a curt cobain replica flannel shirt. aghast (and aghast is NOT a good look for me), i stuck it in the running cooler to prevent further damage.
i picked up mo, we went for a short run (we used to call them midget runs, but then the PC police and all) and i came home. when i pulled the candle out of the cooler, i realized that in hindsight it’s likely not best to immerse a piece of paper glued on to a glass cylinder in water. so basically i have both melted Willie Nelson AND drowned him. this is the worst Willie Nelson experience since the time i gave the Curly Headed Kid my beloved willie nelson autographed farm hat as a sign i would never dump her, then dumped her shortly thereafter. she declined to give it back. karma is a ritz cracker.
so basically, it’s too damn hot to run, Willie Nelson hates me, and i want a ritz cracker. but the knee felt a little better, the run was short but fun and you never know when you’ll need a wax-covered curt cobain replica flannel shirt, so i guess it was an ok day.
sorry, willie. ummm, could you autography my wax baseball cap? thanks a bunch.