conversations with my doctor, part 1

I’m not giving in an inch to fear
‘Cause I’ve promised myself this year
— the prophet david crosby

doctor: Hello.


doctor: I’m about to turn 61. I thought it was time.

me: wow.

doctor: I find that the only people who have a problem with it are old hippies. Do you have a problem with it?

me: Nah. You look very doctorly now.

doctor: This makes me want to sing Crosby, Stills and Nash. I didn’t, and I don’t know why …

me: I feel like letting my freak bag fly.

doctor: Freak flag.

me: Are you sure?

doctor: yes.

me: What does that even mean?

doctor: I think you had to be high to get it.

me: oh. How’s the cycling?

doctor: good. How’s the running?

me: OK, I guess.

doctor: So I get a message from my nurse saying this guy called in a panic and wants to start chemo. What the hell?

me: I just got worried.

doctor: I’m looking at your PET scan, your CT scan and your bloodwork and there’s nothing wrong. What’s your problem?

me: I’m having a hard time running. I keep getting slower.

doctor: so you want chemo because it might help your running?

me: ummm, sort of.

doctor: It won’t. You’re getting old. You slow down. I’ll get some more blood tests and see if it’s something else. Otherwise, just keep doing what you’re doing. If I were you I’d wait as long as possible, as long as you get it done before Medicare. Figure you’ll have a job for a few more years?

me: Heck, yeah. I’m a journalist, you know. The industry is booming. So I should just wait?

doctor: Look. I’m not paid on commission so I get the same amount of money either way. I’m just saying there’s no reason to do it. It would probably make your running worse.

me: And anyhow they don’t upgrade Garmins that much anymore. So you don’t need more money.

doctor: Exactly.

me: OK, thanks. False alarm. Sorry I made fun of your hair.

doctor: Wow. You’re still wearing those shoes?

me: Yes. And your hair looks goofy.

doctor: Get out of my office. See you in three months.

me: Thanks. See ya.


About gary

no sock monkeys were harmed in the making of this blog.
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