One of the best things about being a journalist is that you can bring change, end atrocities, right wrongs in the world.

#Metoo? Worthy, but so depressing. Nuclear war? See previous response. Criticize Pearls Before Swine? Not clever enough to come up with the appropriate scathing pun.

No, today I faced the most grievous error possible in the world, and made it right.

Out for a jaunt when it’s below 60 degrees? Both feet off the ground? You, my good man, are no jogger. You are a runner. All is right in the universe. My work here is done.

Off to save the starving polar bears. Or maybe Larry the Croc …