doctor: How are you?
doctor: How much are you running?
me: Oh, about 4 miles on good days.
doctor: Tell him (student who’s shadowing him) how much you used to run.
me: A lot, I guess.
doctor: That’s probably how you ended up here.
me. Not as bad as cycling.
doctor: No kidding. I still can’t feel the right side of my face. Tore it off in a crash.
me: Cyclists are weird.
doctor: What’s the deal with running prices? My wife was in a Spartan race this weekend. 100 bucks each and there were a million people. What are they doing with all that money?
me: Yeah, it’s getting crazy.
doctor: And RAGNAR! I have a couple friends who just did that. You have to supply all your own stuff. They’re just there to take your money.
me: Yeah, marathons are ridiculous now too.
doctor: What’s the Muskrat 2020 on the shirt?
me: Run 4 miles while eating a pie. No entry fee. Had to buy my own pie.
doctor: I know the guy who holds the Arizona record for the beer mile. Those people are crazy.
me: Yeah. All about the speed-drinking.
doctor: And running a 400 with four beers in you. Insane.
me: For sure. But I don’t think they charge entry fees.
doctor: I won a state championship so now my bike shop is paying for my entry fees.
me: what shop?
doctor: Two-Wheel Jones.
me: huh. I was always a Landis guy.
doctor: Yeah, I went to Landis when I lived in Scottsdale.
me: Cycling is too expensive. With running, all you need is a pie.
doctor: I’m scheduling you for a colonoscopy and an endoscopy at the same time. You’ll enjoy it. That way they can use the same probe. They just wipe it off under their arm.
doctor: Don’t get the berry flavor for the stuff you drink the night before. Won’t mix with vodka at all.
doctor: See ya.
me: See ya.
I hope Blue Cross never finds out what goes on during my doctor visits …