No one likes us
I don’t know why
We may not be perfect
But heaven knows we try
— the prophet Newman

The facts as we know them:

▷ I was involved in a plot to mail a Day-Glo Orange Lightweight Racing Soup Ladle© (anything else is just a big spoon) to South Freakin’ Korea. It had much power, having been blessed by El Señor Runner in a park in Scottsdale,  and was going to a military guy there in hopes of saving the world. I know, I know. But you can always hope. I’m still hoping they bring The New Girl back for an eighth season.

▷ The package mysteriously disappeared in transit. The Evil Kim Jong Il may or may not have been involved.

▷ Kim Jong Il died of “natural” causes, leaving Kim Jong Mini Me in charge of it.

▷ The ACTUAL Mini Me died.

And then things got REALLY weird.

▷ Kim Jong Mini Me travels to South Korea for the first time. Minutes later, this blog, where it all began, gets a visit from South Freakin’ Korea.

▷ Shortly thereafter, peace breaks out. Kim Jong Mini Me agrees to play nice and change into togs more suitable for running.

I’m not a big believer in signs (although the “500,000 volts don’t pee on this electric fence” one should generally be followed), but come on. This can’t be a coincidence.

I have saved the world. You’re welcome.

I hope Trump demands he gives that ladle back though.