mister pants, part 15

And that was the day Mister Pants became a Serious Runner.

He was out on the Ed loop, still waiting for Ernie Pook, who seemed to be homesteading in Mesquite. 14-day quarantine or three-day bender? One never knew with Ernie.

The day’s run was a relaxing 3-mile stroll, a chance to rest the legs and escape from the dull roar of the vermin’s relentless assault.

And then. The phone rang. It was the boss.

When one gets a call from the boss in the morning, it likely is not good news. The boss does not call to chit-chat, to exchange pleasantries, to discuss sports. Especially since there are none.

Mister Pants reluctantly answered the phone. And the boss began to spew a string of F-words.

Yes, furloughs.

Apparently the crushed economy has not been as good of a thing for the newspaper industry as the right-wing pundits imagined. Who knew, given that the media was apparently responsible for the rapidly growing toll, that it would lead to its demise?

As a result of the plunging economics of the company, everyone was getting a free unpaid vacation, one week per month, for the next three months.

This, of course, could mean only one thing. MISTER PANTS, RUNNING FOOL!!!!

One quarter of the next three months could be used exclusively for running. Since there would no longer be money for food, he could finally develop that gaunt Kenyan marathoner physique he always dreamed of. The worldwide lockdown meant he would never be tempted to go anyplace, ensuring he could adopt the mindset of Cassidy in the cabin in the woods. He would run constantly till he got the vermin. And then he would die. But first he would run. Seemed like a fair swap.

He computed his finances mentally as he ran. He had none, so it didn’t take long. This allowed him to go back to daydreaming about the happy times ahead. The weather was warm, the Ed loop trail was starting to trample down nicely, and he had a stockpile of caffeinated Tailwind. He was set.

A kid shared a wagon with a dog on the loop ahead of him. A reminder we can still be happy. We just have to pull each other’s wagons along. We’ll get there.

He still had his job and his health and a Hershey bar and a new reason to be excited. That was enough.

And that was the day Mister Pants became a Serious Runner.

About gary

no sock monkeys were harmed in the making of this blog.
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2 Responses to mister pants, part 15

  1. ocrunnergirl says:

    Ugh. Sorry about the furlough. I fear this is only going to get worse before…if it ever gets better.

    BTW Where the H…eck is Ernie.Pooks?

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