All you’ve got to do
is look in the sky
and wish.
— the prophet linkous
—

There are only three questions that have drifted down through the history of mankind:

1. If there is truly a just and loving God, why did he allow paisley to happen? Sixth-grade Gary is still grappling with the repercussions of that shirt.

2. How could we be faithfully watching the Partridge Family only to find out one day that the youngest son is suddenly a different person? Not in the metaphorical sense of a drummer returning from a spiritual journey, if drummers actually have spiritual journeys (and I suspect they do not, being drummers and all), but an Actual Different Person. What sort of mother was Shirley Jones? And for that matter, how could we possibly suspend disbelief to buy into the notion that Danny Bonaduce and David Cassidy were brothers?

3. And last, but certainly not least, do electric scooters float?

We may never know the answer to the first two, but No. 3 seems to be a categorical no.

If the Black Lives Matter movement has taught us anything, it’s that wishing and hoping don’t make it happen. People have been griping for years about the rental scooters that are left lying around the park like discarded Danny Bonaduce paisley shirts, but it doesn’t seem to do much good. So someone appears to have taken one swimming.

Do you have to pay for the minute of time in which you’re using the scooter as a frisbee to sail into the Bird Park pond? If a fisherman pulls it up, is he on the clock? And does it require a separate fishing license? If one is conducting a science experiment on the floatation qualities of annoying vehicles, could one face criminal liability? Did that younger Partridge family really need to be banging on a tambourine with no sense of rhythm. These are things I do not know.

What I DO know is that Mo took one look and declared it to be a piece of art, and Mo is an arteest.

So we have gone from park eyesore to social statement by way of mud. Banksy may or may not have been involved. Make me an offer.

It reminds me of the old joke. What do you call a rental scooter at the bottom of a pond?

A good start.

There’s always hope. All you’ve got to do is look in the sky.

I hope someone starts a paisley revolt soon. Sixth-grade Gary will thank you.