me: “There’s a problem with the prayer on the almanac page when you have a moment.”

editor: “OK, what is it?”

me: “It says ‘Lord, please fill our hearts with love and happiness. Amen.”

editor: “And?”

me: “Being a diligent copy editor, I tried saying the prayer just to make sure it works (like checking URLs and stuff we used to do before we stopped caring). Sadly, my heart was NOT filled with love and happiness afterward. OK if I change it to “fear and loathing” instead?”

editor: “Works for me! Fear and loathing in the time of the coronavirus.”

me: “That’s it! You must write the undiscovered Hunter S. Thompson book. Please remember me when the royalties start rolling in. Bonus: The money will fill my heart with love and happiness. Amen.”

editor: “Done.”

I hope I get enough money to buy one of those fancy cigarette holders …