Oregon: Hi this is niece Kate! New Oregon number so people here will stop thinking I’m a spam caller. We’re excited to see y’all soon.

Arizona: Clearly spam. Nice try, Nigerian prince.

Oregon: We’ve been trying to reach you regarding your car’s extended warranty.

Arizona: Hey, wait. I DO own a car. This must be legit. But much consternation over trip. We’re watching the COVID numbers and hoping things take a turn for the better, but looks bad so far.

Texas: Oregon in the spring might be lovely!

Oregon: Yeah, I was worried about that too. If we need to wait that’s okay. Oregon is beautiful in the spring. And hey, our house might finally be finished then. But no promises …

Arizona: And by then the extended car warranty will have kicked in!

Oregon: That reminds me. If you would wire me $500,000, and all your flannels, you will be richly rewarded. Thank you for your assistance in resolving this matter.

Arizona: Will do. We’re about to hold up our neighborhood independent bookstore. They should have millions. Yay for mask mandates!

Oregon: Woohoo! If they have any cool stickers you should pocket a few of those too.

Arizona: They have turned their newspaper rack into a holder for sundries. You may have chosen the better career patch, although I always enjoyed the sundry paper.

Oregon: On the other hand, you’ve never had to insert a urinary catheter, so it all comes out in the wash. Well, hopefully it all comes out in the wash.

Poor cat’s going to miss her flannels …