“I am not what you see and hear.”

— hal incandenza

I want to be that charming, witty person who is the perfect dinner guest. Who is that enchanting gent, they would ask? What a fascinating fellow! We really must offer him a truffle!

I would make eye contact freely, shake hands with conviction. Amusing anecdotes and insightful questions for those around me, an easygoing instant friend in a room of strangers.

But that’s not me. I’m alone in the park at night, leapfrogging a nervous woman with a dog and an annoying baby. Two softball games, six dogs, one regret of being the guy who is invisible.

“Oh, he has a funny side,” Mo’s friend once said, totally shocked. How could that be? I find myself so amusing. How is this lost on the masses?

I’m not what you see and hear, Hal said. I understand.

I hope I’m able to run again someday. I miss it so much. I’m a runner. I don’t know what else to be.

I need a truffle.